A Calmer, Gentler Lion

Sometimes I’m not sure if I should be pushing Lion or not. He’s been having some trouble lately. Since he’s cold, he’s been spending a lot of time under the blankets. He seems to be getting more and more sarcastic, making comments about people on TV. At certain points, he hasn’t been interested in sex. He seems less than interested in other things too. I’m not sure any of it is related, but I wonder if it’s up to me to snap him out of it. Not the cold part, of course, but the sarcasm and lack of interest in sex. Do I put my foot down? Can I whomp the sarcasm out of him?

I’m sure a lot of key holders out there are saying, “Absolutely! Punish him! Go get him!” I just don’t know. What if there are underlying causes for his behavior? “So what? Whomp him anyway! Show him who’s boss!” What if he’s upset about something? “He needs to learn to behave.” Good talk.

It still bothers me. I worry that it’s not my place to tell anybody how to behave. Lion just rolled his eyes, I can feel it. I know he wants nothing more than for me to take charge and tell him when he’s wrong. But what if he’s not wrong? What if it’s me who’s wrong? What if the people on the news are morons? What if the people camping out for a week to see the new Star Wars film are idiots? What if the people covered in body paint at the football game are dumb as a box of rocks? But, no. They may think he’s a moron for having his penis locked up. What kind of idiot would do that? Rather than punish him, I try to turn it around on him. I guess it’s not surprising that it doesn’t work very well. Maybe I do need to get out my whomping stick. Or at the very least, tell him what the problem is and if it persists, I’ll be forced to get out the whomping stick. Subtlety is sometimes lost on Lion.

It’s time to create a calmer, gentler Lion. At home, at least. I know he needs to growl at work. Maybe he needs a muzzle at home. I threatened him with a ball gag last week. Maybe it needs to be more than a threat. Poor Lion.