“We should use our dungeon more.” I know it was not designed as a “you’re not doing enough” statement, but that’s how I always feel when Lion says something like that. Along with “we haven’t done anything anal in a while” and “you haven’t restrained me in a while”. I’m pretty sure it’s just something that crossed his mind and he misses it. I know he appreciates all I do, but he wants more. And I always promise I’ll do more and then I don’t.
I need to get beyond that feeling of not doing enough every time Lion wishes we’d do more. There’s really no reason for me to feel that way. I mean I know that’s not what he’s saying. He’s just longing to do something that makes him happy and I want him to be happy. So why do I equate it with failing? Maybe it’s because I get too comfortable. I get in a sort of a rhythm where I’m doing what he wants me to do at the moment and then he throws me the curve of “I really like it when you do X” and I realize that I’m really not doing what he wants. Or maybe I am, but it’s not all he wants. Ergo, I’m failing.
So this weekend we’ll probably use the dungeon and then I’ll forget about it until he mentions it again. Or maybe I’ll think about it in a week or two, and maybe we’ll use it again. I’m not much into planning, but maybe I need a spreadsheet. A list of all the things we can do and either when we did them last or a plan of when we’ll use them in the future. It’s not my style, but it might work. Scheduling his orgasms has been working. He wouldn’t necessarily have to know what’s on the schedule. Or maybe it would help him if he knew that Tuesday night is Velcro night. It probably doesn’t have to be as specific as that. You know, when you go to the gym, today may be strength day, but do you always have to do curls? So maybe Tuesday night will be CBT with no actual plans. It could be Velcro. It could be clothes pins. It could be something else.
I need to figure something out so Lion doesn’t miss things. It doesn’t have to be as stringent as a schedule, but it needs to happen. [Lion – Mrs. Lion does plenty to make me happy. I just happened to think that we got a new heater for use in the dungeon but never used it. If we don’t go there, I will still be happy. I guess I should just shut up and keep my thoughts to myself]