Mrs. Lion and I are best friends. We genuinely love each other’s company. Nothing makes either of us happier than doing something that pleases the other. I’m sure you already knew that. That love and friendship appears to create a problem for us. Discipline requires a level of dispassionate impartiality. Rewards and punishments are meted out against some standard of behavior.This standard doesn’t need to be defined by explicit rules and regulations. It can be as simple as the degree of consideration and obedience the disciplined male displays. The standard doesn’t have to be fixed. It can be based on the disciplining wife’s mood. But she consistently uses her position to reinforce the behavior she wants.
Mrs. Lion is very forgiving. She wants me to be happy. When I break a rule and she notices, I get spanked. That happened Monday night. I ate first at dinner. Perfect. I made a casual comment that if I piss her off I will be spanked, right? She agreed. However, that has never happened and I know I’ve pissed her off. Maybe the issue is the mirror image of the one I wrote about yesterday. I’m afraid to test the waters of her resolve. I know, I shouldn’t test her anyway. But I need to feel my boundaries. My crises of confidence is that I am actually the one in control and that if I sincerely express a desire to stop FLM or enforced chastity, Mrs. Lion would agree because she is doing all this only to make me happy. I wonder if her reluctance to make more use of her power comes from a similar vein. Maybe she is concerned that I will get angry and not want to be with her.
I realize that she wouldn’t rationally believe that, but I do think she may not feel confident that things will be ok if she does. So, our FLM operates around agreed-to rules that are of little consequence. Baby steps. We both seem stuck at this tentative place. For example, when I do break one of those rules, the punishment is saved until the designated punishment day. Mrs. Lion has written that she thinks she should do it immediately after the infraction. But that doesn’t happen. I don’t know why.
So, I’m afraid to test the boundaries, even a little, and Mrs. Lion seems stuck in a “play” mode when it comes to discipline. I have to admit that I am a wimp when punished. I do squirm and complain. Mrs. Lion has become more immune to my situation and has continued her spanking; at least up to a point. So in that case the baby steps are definitely moving in the direction of “suck it up Lion”. That’s a good thing (he says now a safe distance from the paddle). Neither of us wants to move too far out of our comfort zones.
If we weren’t best friends, the risk of being “wrong” would be much lower. Mrs. Lion could maintain strong resolve even in the face of me being unhappy about what she is doing. I could expect pain if I challenged a boundary. As it is, I believe that if I challenge, I will make her feel that she has failed me in some way. I never want her to feel that. Even writing this worries me. She’s been amazing. I’m grateful for the immense effort she makes to take care of me and make me happy. That could actually be a problem for domestic discipline. If I overstep and the result is a sore bottom and not Mrs. Lion feeling that she did something wrong, things would be different. Put another way, if I say something that makes Mrs. Lion feel she is wrong, then she should interpret that as me being wrong and in need of correction. Even if I am right, if Mrs. Lion feels inadequate or unhappy at something I say, then punishment is in order.
I can see that we both are doing a lot of internalizing. It feels like we both are afraid to make that next step. For example, if reading this post makes Mrs. Lion feel that she isn’t doing enough, then she should get her paddle and as every parent says, “I’ll show you what needing more (fill in the blank) gets you!” and whomp me till I’m bright red. I’ll hate every second of it, but Mrs. Lion would have put a stake in the ground and I would feel a real boundary. If all this is for me, then any feelings of not doing enough becomes grounds for strict discipline. Poor Lion (Well, she always says that)