I have been wondering about why adding enforced chastity to our marriage has made such a big difference in our relationship. Is it really about the sexual control I surrendered? Is it the power exchange? The chastity device? Just what is working for us? I think that I am beginning to understand why we are successful up to this point.
It seems to me that prior to our chastity adventure, we stopped communicating about sex and almost entirely gave up on sexual contact. The reason for this was that we both felt badly and didn’t want to start fighting over our feelings. Mrs. Lion was upset that I didn’t initiate sex and I was unhappy that we weren’t having any. Over time, an emotional scab grew over these feelings. Mrs. Lion lost interest in sex. She still hasn’t recovered from that. My sexual world moved to fantasy and occasional masturbation. I resented that she didn’t seem attracted to me. The few conversations we had about this ended without resolution.
I have a longstanding interest in enforced chastity, at least the hardware. For the last seventeen years I have been reading about and sampling various devices from full belts to piercing-suspended devices. I never felt any particular interest in wearing them for their intended purpose. I just thought the entire idea of enforced male chastity was a big turn on. Ok, it still is. About two years ago I found some cheap devices online. I ordered a few to try them out. This sampling fueled some hot self-abuse.
In the midst of this new hardware frenzy, it occurred to me that it would be very hot if Mrs. Lion actually locked me up in a device. I didn’t have an elaborate fantasy about how it would work, but I liked the idea a lot. My main reason at the time was that the device would provide sexual contact between us. I also imagined that my longstanding desire to be spanked and sexually dominated might also get some relief too. So I asked her.
Obviously, she said yes. In the past we had tried other power exchange stuff which never stuck. I wasn’t sure this would last very long. In my online wanderings I had discovered some enforced chastity sites. The first one I found was a chastity forum. I didn’t learn anything new, but it did give me a chance to participate in chastity-related conversations. I also read some blogs centered on enforced chastity or female domination. I decided that there might be a place for my take on power exchange and what I know about fitting devices, etc. So, I started this blog.
Most of the initial content was the informative pages describing fitting, etc. I started writing posts too. It was clear to me that maybe the world wasn’t waiting for yet another guy to give his one-sided view of enforced chastity. There were several terrific blogs written by locked up guys. On the other hand, I thought it would be interesting to have a keyholder writing her side of things. I found one on a forum and asked her to write here too. She did for a while. Then she stopped.
I asked Mrs. Lion how she felt about contributing. She agreed. It turned out that she is a very good writer and used her posts to talk about how she was feeling about me and enforced chastity. Our posts allowed us to talk about what we were doing, and I think more importantly, what wasn’t working.
Even when our posts weren’t about “us” they did expose what each of us was thinking about. For some reason we were both able to write things we never spoke aloud or exchanged via email. This blog became a new channel of communication for us. Reader comments offered helpful feedback as well. We also began exchanging email that revealed wishes and reservations about our sexual adventures. We were communicating!
Meanwhile, I was locked in a chastity device full time. It came off for play and occasionally for weekend trips. Mrs. Lion is the only person who removes it or puts it back on me. I do the base ring, she locks the cage in place. She provided my only sexual outlet. Masturbation was gone as an option for me. This is fairly typical for an enforced chastity situation. But for us there was an added dimension: the communication.
I began wondering what would happen if we no longer used the device. Would things continue to improve or would we fall back into our old pattern? I posed that question here in the blog. Mrs. Lion’s response was that she thought the cage is essential to us. I then asked if I wanted it off, would she remove it. She said she would. That was a setback for me. It meant that I was ultimately in control and I could end my submission at will. I don’t know if that has changed. Mrs. Lion will remind me, I’m sure.
I think the cage is so important not for its value as a tool to assure my penis is always under her control but more because it forces both of us to interact if I am to have any sexual pleasure at all. Of course, that can’t be the entire story. If it were, Mrs. Lion could just decide I don’t need any more sex and keep me locked up until I lose interest in sex entirely.
The main reason this all works is that we love each other more than anything. We want each other to be happy. But we both have a problem with talking about difficult subjects. The cage requires us to communicate about sex. Her, because she wants me to be happy. Me, because it’s the only way I can get my sexual needs met. It’s a trade of sorts. I give up all sexual control and in return I get sexual satisfaction, eventually. Mrs. Lion’s benefits are more subtle. The cage reminds her that she can’t withdraw sexually since she has the only outlet I have. It also reminds her that we have made our peace about initiating. My surrender and her acceptance settled that issue at least for now.
This blog has become one of our principal forms of intimate communication. It’s where we can express wishes, fantasies, concerns, and objections. I can share my knowledge of power exchange without topping from the bottom. I can remind Mrs. Lion of things we might need to do. For example, in this post, I reminded Mrs. Lion that I still think I can stop being locked up if I want. So, I am sure she will let me know if that is or isn’t true. She can relate what is happening to us and how it affects her. We pay close attention to what the other writes. Between the blog and our emails, we have closed most of our communication gaps.
Somewhat surprisingly, I think the combination of the chastity device and this blog got us going the right way. Our continued writing helps us stay on track. The cage is a much stronger form of wedding ring. It is a physical, unmistakable sign of ownership. I’m very proud to wear it. It announces that I am hers and only hers. That is just what I want to be.
I want to thank you for this blog the two of you are sharing with the world. I’m interested in chastiy as well. But don’t know what I truly think I can get out from it in my marriage. My wife and I are both submissive. So to have a FLM isn’t somethig I don’t think can realistically happen
But to see how your communication has improved through chastity is inspiring. That’s where we have lacked as well. Our communication is better but still not great. She has little interest in sex and has been that way for probably 15 of our 22 year marriage. But we have sex so I’m happy with that.
But it’s our communication that I’d like to improve and your blog will definitely be shown to her as an example of a real couple that can benefit from chastity. But also has issues along the way but work together to work through them. Thank you for sharing.
Matt