Just Say No

safe for chastity device key
We’ve just acquired this lionproof  safe as part of a very concrete form of “No”. Until now the key and security seals for the emergency key were in a drawer. I don’t know which drawer, but I bet I could root it out if I wanted. This box effectively makes it impossible for me to get to the key or emergency key seals. Security has tightened significantly at the lions’ den.

Mrs. Lion has done a wonderful job stepping up her game when it comes to teasing. Monday, she wrote a post about my “endless” requests for more; more bondage, more rules, etc. In some respects she’s right, I have asked her to push harder and do more of the things we used to do. Our teasing had dwindled to unlocking me and then right to edging. As she pointed out, even a lion needs some foreplay. So, Monday night she got out our spreader bar and attached my hands to the cuffs on the headboard and my feet to the spreader bar. This was the first time the bar was ever used on me. I made it years ago to use on some of the bottoms who I topped. There I was open and restrained and starting to get hard just from the excitement of the bondage.

She used her Velcro band on my semi-hard penis. That hurts like crazy when she makes me hard and hurts even more as the blood rushes in when she removes it. She asked me which was worse: the Velcro or Icy Hot on my balls. It was no contest. Icy Hot or Ben Gay massaged into my balls is excruciating. Mrs. Lion managed to find a liquid product that burns even more than the other two products. Fortunately, last night she choose the Velcro. Restraining me does increase her options for either front or back play. I suppose the more intense pain is my quid pro quo for the extra effort she puts in. I’m not complaining.

Monday, Steeled Snake wrote a very interesting post about how strongly conditioned he has become. He said that over their long weekend trip to Vegas, he discovered that Charmer, his wife, could stop him from coming just by saying no without reducing the stimulation he was getting. This level of conditioning is quite rare in my experience. He has learned to completely suppress orgasm and ejaculation. What surprised him (and me) is that he doesn’t consciously control this suppression. He has been trained to ejaculate only when told he can. Apparently he no longer has a choice. All control has gone to his wife and keyholder.

That is a very impressive example of behavioral conditioning. It takes a lot of time and effort to train a male that effectively. As he explained it, his wife used a combination of reward (praise for being a good boy and waiting) and punishment (ruined orgasms which he hates) to achieve this. His post describes the first example of this level of conditioning that I have seen. Congratulations to both of you!

In my view, one of the coolest things about enforced chastity and FLM is that while started by the male, quickly moves way past his fantasies and expectations. It’s a hot fantasy to imagine the level of orgasm control that Charmer has over Snake, but it is somewhat frightening to discover another person has complete control over one of his most basic instincts. I wonder what that feels like; the building of an incipient orgasm that suddenly disappears when the word, “No” is spoken. For me it would be the strongest evidence of sexual surrender.

One of the things I have written about more than once is my belief that “no” is a critical ingredient in dominance. Learning to accept flat “no’s” feels to me like a simple but crucial key to training. It would seem very easy for a keyholder to refuse things for training purposes, but it isn’t. In the first place, Mrs. Lion, for example, got into all this stuff because she wants to make me happy. She said, “yes.” It isn’t a terrible stretch for her to learn that providing pain and making me get sexually frustrated is something I want. So, when she punishes me or makes me frantic for an orgasm that isn’t coming, she is doing what she knows I want. If she pushes the things I want past the point where I think it is fun, then she is starting to demonstrate her control.

Refusing to let me come when she has been edging me over and over can count as a “no”,but only if she gets me to ask and beg. When I do, a simple “no” without explanation reinforces her role. Even in a sexual context it isn’t easy to find opportunities for a “no”. Certainly, when orgasm is imminent a gentle “no” and stopping stimulation is a very good start.

Outside of orgasm control, finding opportunities to exercise that “no” is much more difficult. One possibility is during play. For example, if I am restrained and Mrs. Lion uses that horrid Icy Hot stuff on my balls, it won’t be long before I beg, then fume to get her to release me so I can wash it off and stop the burning. A perfect place for a “no” that will really hurt.

Even if she thinks of me as a child, her inclination is always to go to “yes”. That’s her nature. She’s not going to change that. I’m glad because I love her kindness. So, authority-building refusals will probably have to be manufactured in the context of sexual and BDSM play. There’s nothing wrong with that.

To me, at least, what is most effective is consistency. If something goes up my ass, it has to stay there until Mrs. Lion wants it out, not when I am starting to get uncomfortable. If she sets out to do something, I hope she will see it through. I know she doesn’t want to train me to only come when I get permission. We’ve discussed that. I’m more than fine with her brand of teasing. She has plenty of other opportunities to display control. As time has passed, she uses more and more of them. She is the grand master of driving me sexually insane to come and then stopping. Maybe she can ask me if I want to come, and then say, “no”.

6 Comments

  1. Author

    I am a new keyholder (male with another male) and have been following your posts for about a month now. In my situation, the male in chastity lives about 4 hours away so we only meet in person about once a month. My challenge is to keep him “frustrated” from a distance through daily texts and subtle games, such as demanding to see photos of him locked whenever I decide or providing him with underwear of my choosing. As a new keyholder, I appreciate the insights you share each day as the one locked in chastity. They help me understand his thinking and give me ideas about how to be a better keyholder.

  2. Author

    I have to admit that I was surprised by Snake’s post a little. I knew that he could control it enough not to come when I would say no. I didn’t know that it would shut it down completely if he had decided that he was going to come.

    I’m glad that you liked his post 🙂

  3. Author

    Could you please give me instruction on how to use the Velcro band on my baby boys cock? I’ve read about it here but I can’t find any kink site that talks about it. We both like CBT and I’d like to surprise him with something new.
    Thanks

    1. Author

      I had no idea I invented something. ? In the next few days Lion promises a page dedicated to Velcro, complete with pictures. That means I get to wrap Mr. Weenie in the evil stuff. Poor Lion.

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