My greatest failing in my submissive role is my strong resistance to things I find uncomfortable. This manifests itself in my inability to stay still and accept spankings. I also see it in the way I stop Mrs. Lion during anal play when it starts to hurt too much. The problem with that isn’t my complaints that stop the anal activity. To be safe, it’s very important to let my body tell me when the stretching is too much. But I shouldn’t complain until that point is reached, not just when it is uncomfortable.
I’ve always put my problems with accepting discomfort on Mrs. Lion. I’ve said that she should continue regardless, at least in the case of spanking. When it comes to accepting pain, both of us need to invoke the training. None of this makes much sense to my lioness. She feels no need to give me pain. She accepts that punishment is necessary for our FLM, but takes no joy in it. In our relationship it is I, the bottom, who has asked for all this. As a result, from Mrs. Lion’s perspective there is no reason to go beyond what I want. That’s not likely to change in the foreseeable future. It’s up to me to ask for what I think should happen now.
My behavior during punishment and maintenance spankings bothers me. Even though I try, I have been unsuccessful holding still when she goes past a few swats. In my mind this isn’t right. No matter how much it hurts, I think I should hold still. Clearly I need training. We’ve discussed this in the past and Mrs. Lion does add a few swats when I try to get away. Based on my lack of serious improvement, I think we need to do more.
This isn’t Mrs. Lion’s fault at all. Her motivation is to do what I asked. She has no investment in my learning to take swats beyond the fact she knows I want her to do it. The problem for me is that any form of resistance, like pulling away, is a way for me to limit my submission. I don’t want that at all. A bruised bottom when I am punished is a small price for learning to accept my role (OTK videos). I think that moving should be a serious punishable offense. I think it is the only way I will learn.
Anal training is a bit different. That is less acceptance than physical conditioning. Over a decade ago when we played several times a week, Mrs. Lion had me accepting pegging with some very large dildos. She did this by relentlessly penetrating me with fingers, butt plugs, and dildos increasing the size as soon as I could accept the smaller toy. This, of course, took time and dedication on her part. That’s not easy after a tough day at work with distractions everywhere.
Since all of this is for my benefit with little satisfaction for my lioness, it’s even harder for her to follow through day after day. I recognize that and feel badly that I keep asking for more of her time. I don’t want to be greedy. Both of these requests will take a lot of time in the beginning. The good news is that this doesn’t go on forever. Once I can accept her hand, anal activity only needs to happen once or twice a week to maintain my flexibility. As for spanking, once I learn to hold still and punishment spankings get more serious, I’m willing to bet I will need less of them. The only way for me to make that pain stop is to behave. Seems fair to me. What do you think, Mrs. Lion?