The past few days have been challenging. I haven’t been feeling well and both of us have been tired. When I’m tired, I tend to take things to the extreme. Lion wrote a post about not being sure if FLM would stick for us and I took that to mean he wanted to stop. I read the post three times and finally, on the third try, understood what he was really saying. I encountered some problems at work and was sure things were so screwed up there was no way to fix them. Fresh eyes today prove things aren’t so bad. I have a twisted sense of humor. When I’m tired it gets more twisted. Actually it can get nasty. So I’m trying to figure out how to deal with being tired all the time and with being in financial trouble still.

Of course, on top of all of it, I am dealing with Lion and chastity and female led marriage. How do I do it? The answer is I can’t. Or, more correctly, I don’t. We haven’t played in a few days. Monday night’s failed punishment attempt is the last time we really did anything. We tried Tuesday night but neither of us were into it. There’s got to be a way to snap out of it. Eventually Lion will get a job. Or he won’t. In either case, life goes on. We need to suck it up.

Regardless of what happens Friday with Lion’s job hunt, the weekend is upon us. I need to do some manscaping and he will be played with. I won’t promise sling time or restraints, but we have to do something to get back in the swing of things. Maybe some fun spanking or anal play. Something. We need to break the monotony of recruiters calling, interviews, and waiting to hear. Yes, we’ve gone away and that does break things up, but when we’re home we’re just waiting.

I don’t do well waiting. One year I bought Lion’s birthday present in August and had to give it to him because I was too excited to wait. Then I bought his Christmas present near his birthday and had to give it to him because I couldn’t wait. I guess I should be happy to wait for job news because until we hear we can still keep our hopes up. I’d much rather hear and move on. Yes? Great! No? Now what? Let’s move on. There’s too much resting on the outcome to be comfortable waiting.

Tonight is punishment night again. Depending on our moods, I’ll finish Lion’s punishment from Monday and add some swats for making me stop in mid-punishment. I understand why he needed me to stop, but that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences. He could have explained his situation before I started. I probably would have postponed the spanking until today when he could handle it better. I’m not unreasonable. I might have told him he needed to take a certain number of swats and defer the rest. The point is, we had options. We always have options. We just need to communicate.