I’m sure the people Lion interviews with don’t know how agonizing it is to wait so long for a phone call. They don’t know just how close to the edge we are. How long should you keep up your hopes? I know today is just a week after his marathon of interviews, but come on, we need to hear something. In the meantime, Lion has another interview today. And there are a few more possibilities out there. We are not dead yet, but we are on life support.

To lift his spirits, and to give him one less thing to think about, I cured Lion’s horniness with an orgasm last night. I know it was only a few days since his last one, but I’m trying to give him all the good luck I can. It’s a scientific fact that a relaxed Lion does better in interviews. Yes, I did my own study. I started it last night. Let’s hope it works. At the very least, he’s a happy boy.

Yesterday he asked me how I learned to give hand jobs. I know he participated in a workshop once, but where does the average person learn to give hand jobs? First you need a willing penis, then you need a hand, bring them together with a generous amount of stroking and, voila, hand job. No, I get it. I guess there can be bad hand jobs. Like most things, I just fumbled my way through it. I listen to feedback. When you’re getting some oooohs and aaaahs you know you’re on the right track. Occasionally Lion says what I’m doing feels good. If the breathing quickens, it’s a good sign. Moans are good. Plus, I asked him to masturbate for me when I first locked him up so I could see his technique. He should know the best way to do it. It is, after all, his penis. Well, not anymore. Now it’s mine, but you know what I mean. I think I would have to give him the same answer for a blow job. Just pay attention to the signals and you’ll figure it out. I love giving Lion blow jobs. Obviously he loves getting them. Win-win.

Yesterday I decided that I will come up with a menu for each night. There will be two choices, an easy one and a harder one. Depending on who’s cooking and how much time is involved, I’ll decide which choice to make. For example, the menu may be stew or spaghetti. Stew is an involved process. If neither one of us can commit the time for whatever reason then we’d go with spaghetti. Now I need to come up with the menus. So what? Big deal. Well, yeah, it is. When I have trouble deciding on what to have for dinner tonight, coming up with a menu for a week or so is a daunting task. Think about it. Lion had trouble figuring out what to do for breakfast two days a week. Two days. When I took back those two days he was very relieved. I don’t think it was because he didn’t want to make breakfast. He didn’t like deciding what to make. I’m not very fond of it either. Oh well.

Yesterday, Mrs. Lion in her post, made a very interesting observation: she said that it felt more powerful to her if I put on and took off the chastity device base ring. I always thought that if she put it on and took it off, it would underline her ownership of the device and the penis it encases. But she’s right. Making me do it underlines her control of me, not just the device. I think I need things explained to me. When I come to my own conclusion, it’s often wrong. Now that I understand, I will look at putting on and taking off the base ring differently.

I have to admit that I miss being wild. After she locked me up again Monday night, I felt a little pang when I remembered that now I have to pee sitting down. I also gave a small thought to those spontaneous erections I enjoy now and then. Oddly, all day yesterday, I was substantially hornier than usual. Maybe being wild isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Truth be told, most of the time I don’t even feel the device. But whether or not I feel it, I am always very aware of my captive status.

We are both still learning a lot about ourselves and each other. When I look back at what I wrote 18 months ago, I see a lot of changes in how I approach sex and enforced chastity. For one thing, I’m not nearly as consumed by how long I wait and how Mrs. Lion can use my waits for discipline. I come when she wants me to have an orgasm. She lets me ask and sometimes grants my wish even if I had come only a day or two before. My orgasms are all gifts from my lioness.  That may sound corny, but it’s really how I feel.

Some guys like the feeling of suppressing their sexual needs in favor of their keyholders. Most transfer their own sexual needs to satisfying their partners’. In our case, Mrs. Lion has few sexual needs. I love giving her orgasms. OK, I love getting them too. I love sex. So, you may ask, why is a horny lion happy to have his penis in a cage? You probably know the answer. Ironically, it’s because I’ve had more sexual activity since my lockup than I did in the decade before. I’m not saying I’ve had more orgasms. I haven’t. But the vast majority of the prior decade’s orgasms were given by my left hand. Those orgasms were mostly to relieve sexual pressure. I can’t say I truly enjoyed them.

Now, most of the time, Mrs. Lion brings me to the edge without ejaculation. That is way more fun than masturbating, and a bit less than getting a full orgasm. Most important is the attention. I crave that. Since my lockup (18 months ago), I haven’t masturbated. Mrs. Lion informs me that I won’t be masturbating again. Her hand and occasionally her mouth provide the sexual stimulation. My hand is not welcome.

I’ve learned to be sexually dependent. I am, by nature, a very independent sort of lion. I’ve always hated dependencies of all kinds. I can’t claim that I am any more fond of them than I was before we started. I have just learned to accept my sexual dependency. I’ve learned to trust that Mrs. Lion will see to my sexual welfare. I get the orgasms I need to have. I get the teasing required to keep me wanting sex whether I will get it or not. That is the essence of enforced chastity. But it isn’t the point. I learned that when our situation cost me my sex drive. I remained locked up. I learned that I don’t have to be horny to be locked. My normal condition is to be safely locked in a chastity device.  Whether or not I want sex is completely beside the point.

Two hours. That’s how long it took me to dig my way out from taking a week off work. That’s actually not as bad as it could have been. I did stop by last Wednesday to do a little work since no one else can do most parts of my job and there were things that could not be allowed to build up for too long. While Lion was doing his mega-interviews, I threw a load of laundry in and headed to work for an hour. So, yeah, it could have been worse. I guess it’s nice to know I’m truly needed around here.

As I handed Lion his cock ring to put back on last night, I was thinking about a post he wrote a while ago. In it he said he wanted me to get to a point where I put the ring on him rather than handing it to him. To me, it seems more powerful if I hand it to him. I’m telling him it’s time to be locked up again. If I equate it with the dog, is it more powerful if I have to drag her into her crate or if she listens when I tell her to go into the crate? I could just hand him the cage and tell him to lock himself up, but I like the intimacy of putting the cage on. Sometimes I even give Mr. Weenie a goodbye kiss. The ring is difficult for me to put on and take off, and having him do it proves that he has to do as he’s told.

In his post this morning, Lion says he would like me to make more of the decisions. It will be difficult, but I’ll try. I have a feeling neither one of us will be happy about it. He’s not used to not making decisions and I’m not used to making decisions. It will take a lot of resolve for both of us. Given the fact that I don’t really care about making the decisions, any push back from him will make me less likely to make them. Then he’ll be upset that I’m not making an effort and I’ll be upset that he’s thwarting any effort I make. I’m not abandoning the cause already. I’m just laying out the possible pitfalls and highlighting our uphill battle. Actually I’ve been thinking of a plan for some of my decision-making. I’ll have to hash out the details, but at least I’m thinking about it. That’s a step in the right direction.

Lion said he doesn’t want me to take things over all at once. I think there’s little chance of that anyway. We tend to do things in baby steps, especially power things. When it comes to power, I usually use half-baby steps. I know that drives Lion crazy, but in my case I’m more like the dog being dragged into the crate.

We are back home after over eight hours of driving. We had a great trip. Naturally, I’m back in my chastity device. I can’t pretend it wasn’t very nice to go wild for more than a week. It was also very nice to get an orgasm Monday night. I know, I know, it was only six days, but sometimes that can feel like an eternity. I’ve been optimistic the last few days. There is no good reason for this, but it feels good to tune down the worry a bit for a while. Nothing has changed and I have absolutely no idea how we will continue to survive. For now, I am not worrying too much. Later today that will probably change. But for now, it feels almost normal again.

Maybe when things get to a point that I am unable to do anything, some defense mechanism kicks in to give me some relief from the worry and fear. It’s temporary, but really welcome. Meanwhile I keep plugging away. Eventually I will find a way out. The only question is what the cost will be.

I’m beginning to realize that changes like enforced chastity and FLM come gradually. It’s not like the fantasies at all in that respect. Like most guys, I was very impatient to have it all and have it now. It didn’t take long to realize how unrealistic that expectation is. I think on some level I felt the same way about FLM. In this case I don’t know exactly what to expect, but I expected some changes that would reveal themselves to me. That’s absolutely unrealistic.

FLM requires Mrs. Lion to make changes before I will feel them. She has to get comfortable making all sorts of decisions. The role is new to her. Her role isn’t the regal mistress who acts the role of queen. That just doesn’t work long term. I’m sure she has wondered how to establish her new persona. I’ve been reading and thinking about how this might start. It seems to me that it would make the most sense if she just begins making the small day-to-day decisions that I normally do for us. You know, what to have for dinner, when to go out, who drives, stuff like that.

If she consciously begins doing this, perhaps adding something new every day or two, over time she will build the habit of being in charge. In turn, I will have learned my role and place as well. It makes no sense at any point in FLM for her to make all the decisions. That would require her to micro manage my life. She would have no time for her own. I think she can easily identify the decisions I make for the two of us, not just for myself. That might be a good place to start. Telling me to do things instead of asking might also be helpful. But not all at once! We both have a lot to learn. At some point we will reach an equilibrium that works for both of us. Of course, she will decide what that point is.