One of the most common complaints from vanilla people about enforced chastity and FLM is that it is too structured. Sex, they say, is too structured. It’s supposed to be spontaneous. Really? I wonder how that is working out for them. Based on my experience and what I am told by others, spontaneous appears to be a synonym for nothing happening. Spontaneous sex is driven by one of the partners getting horny enough to overcome inertia and make a move. Or, worse, because a partner feels guilty for not having sex with the other. In either case, the frequency of sexual contact generally goes down over the years. That was our story. It appears that the vast majority of people who find themselves going down that path just learn to settle for less sex. Eventually, they stop entirely. Some people believe that this is a natural process. Aging does affect sex drive, but does it eliminate it? It doesn’t.
Maybe this pattern of diminished sexual contact is the reason why the vast majority of couples practicing enforced chastity are over fifty. Enforced chastity is almost exclusively proposed by the male. Almost every fantasy, however, has the chastity imposed by the keyholder. The fantasies always include a D/S aspect where the woman takes control and uses the male for her pleasure while he is helplessly locked into a chastity device. This is a very hot fantasy for many. Some guys find the courage to ask their partners to try locking them up. What happens next determines if sex will return to the couple.
In our case, we started with Mrs. Lion getting her keyholding cues from me. She interpreted my fantasy and played it back to me. It was very exciting for me. Mrs. Lion enjoyed making me happy, but enforced chastity and the power exchange did nothing for her. I suspect that this isn’t unusual. A great many women have no interest in taking sexual control of their mates. As time went by, Mrs. Lion became more assertive and less interested in fulfilling my fantasy. She continued to do this to make me happy. For us that’s how it stays. Mrs. Lion’s interest for sex is virtually non existent. I remain hopeful her libido will return.
If the keyholder finds her sexual interest waking up, enforced chastity soon becomes her favorite indoor sport. Many keyholders have over 20 orgasms for each one provided to her caged male. He learns to focus on her pleasure. Yes, he gets massively horny and wishes he could come too. But over a year or so he learns to shift his sexual focus to her. That may seem hard to believe if you haven’t experienced it, but it is the almost-universal response to long term enforced chastity. The caged male, which of course includes me, learns to enjoy being teased and edged. I love when Mrs. Lion edges me. When I finally get to ejaculate, it is always an amazing event. But my focus is no longer on that orgasm. I’ve learned to love equally the teasing and edging. If at some point Mrs. Lion wants orgasms, I know I will find them at least as much fun as my own.
I know that when people take on something new that has a strong effect on their lives, they believe that what they are doing will solve everyone’s problems. This isn’t the case with enforced chastity. It won’t work for everyone. The reason? To work, enforced chastity requires trust between the keyholder and caged male. It also requires constant, honest communication. Mrs. Lion and I have learned to communicate how we feel and what we want. It isn’t easy for either of us, but we have learned. We had to learn. Enforced chastity requires complete honesty, trust, and constant communication. You can tell when it is successful if both partners enjoy the experience and never want to quit. That’s us.