For some reason, last night I wondered how many women there are in chastity. They must be out there. And I wondered how many of them initiated it. Most of the men I’ve read about who are caged were the ones to ask for it. I think it stands to reason that some women might have as well. But a dominant male is probably the initiator in most cases. I wonder why that is.

So this morning I did a quick search online. I found a lot of sites selling chastity devices for women, a forum for women in chastity, some Youtube videos, and a few blogs. Not as many results as I imagined I would find. But in my search I found something even more amazing to me: his and hers chastity. What? If you’re both locked up who is in charge? How does this work?

First of all, I can’t imagine how uncomfortable a female chastity device must be. I can’t imagine being locked in anything 24/7. Most days I’m out of my bra the second I hit the bedroom. I’m sure there are some models that are more comfortable than others. It’s just not my cup of tea. If Lion had suggested it I definitely would have said no.

But back to my initial question: who is in charge? Would I be in charge of when Lion gets to be unlocked and he’d be in charge of when I’d get to be unlocked? What if he decided that he wanted to penetrate me, but I decided it wasn’t his night for being unlocked? It seems to me it would be a very confusing relationship. Of course, just because I can’t get my head wrapped around it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work.

I guess it would give a couple something else to do together. Who knows the pitfalls and high points of chastity quite like another person in chastity? It would definitely be a common bond. On the other hand I can see it driving a wedge between a couple. I haven’t been unlocked for two weeks, what makes you think I’m unlocking you again?

It certainly adds a different twist to things.

sex toys on her vanity
Mrs. Lion’s vanity counter next to her sink.  It doesn’t look lik her mother’s beauty bar. My lioness always has her teasing and play tools at hand, along with a pain reliever if I give her a headache.

Yesterday I wrote about sex without orgasm. I am being edged every night and the effect is profound. I love the activity in a masochistic way. Each time my lioness begins, I figure this is it. Then it isn’t. I breathe in loud pants and groan internally. I’ve heard that continued teasing this way will result in edging being my expected norm for sex. Orgasm will no longer be the goal. Statistically, this actually makes sense. I am edged at least 25 times for each full orgasm I experience. So, I am being conditioned to expect getting hard and massively aroused as the extent of sex for me. I think a lot of women are conditioned that way too. Since many women have difficulty achieving orgasm, arousal is their norm. They say they like it and appear happy for the experience.

I’m starting to understand that feeling. Males are conditioned from the first time they play with their little weenies that arousal always leads to orgasm. Until we began enforced chastity, that was the case for me. But now, aside from keeping me very interested in sexual attention, repeated edging us training me to accept arousal without orgasm as a satisfying sexual experience. I am slowly learning that orgasm for me is a rare treat and not at all necessary for me to have a rich sex life. Sound familiar? It does to me. I’ve heard and read countless women say that about sex. “Orgasm isn’t necessary. I just love how it feels to be close to you.” Now I hear myself saying similar words.

The battle for sexual equality in the bedroom was particularly strong in the late 60’s and 70’s. Women called for equal orgasms with men. It was no longer acceptable for a man to penetrate, ejaculate, and roll over and go to sleep. She needed hers too. Since then, we males understand that our women need orgasms, not just arousal. We make sure they get them when they want them. Those of us in enforced male chastity are experiencing a sexual role reversal. Now we are learning to accept non-orgasmic sex as our norm; just like women in the 50’s.

It isn’t as though we are being dragged kicking and screaming into this non-orgasmic desert. We beg for it. Actually it is a bit different than the 50’s female experience. Many women then never experienced an orgasm. They believed that sex was just arousal without a grand finale. They heard about orgasms, but believed such things were myths. Thanks to Kinsey and Masters and Johnson, women learned that they were supposed to have orgasms just like men. It’s supreme irony that we are learning that we don’t get orgasms just because we have sex. We only get them when our partners think we should have them.

My male mind always believed that no sex was the same as no orgasms. I never had the frustrating “cock tease” experiences many teenage boys experience. I went to an all boys school and didn’t start to date until I was in college. The only sex I knew was masturbation, so dating wasn’t particularly frustrating. Once I lost my virginity, my attitude toward sex and orgasm was the same as other males.

Here I am much later in life learning that I can have exciting sex without ejaculating. From what I have been reading, I could end up not wanting that final squirt. I doubt that, but we’ll see. One of the interesting comments  yesterday mirrored my feelings. Paul wrote:

“I have been thinking lately about why I prefer not to be released! I celebrated my birthday last weekend and I had been locked for about three months with no release.
My wife unlocked me and I had a shower. We then had sex where as usual I satisfied her first and then was allowed to have intercourse with her. Being so long since my last orgasm it was over almost instantly I entered her!
We both fell into a blissful sleep which was lovely but the next day I felt deflated!
She knows this and so it will probably be sometime before I receive another release but I now feel I prefer not being released!

I still can’t internalize that. It makes sense on one level, but my primal need remains. It seems that Paul and others who feel this way have learned to value the buildup much more than the finale. At this point I don’t want that to happen to me. I can see that I am making some of the changes that Paul and others have made. Knowing full well that I won’t get an orgasm, I still look forward to Mrs. Lion’s hands as much as I used to look forward to that opportunity to ejaculate. For me, at least, it’s not that I don’t want or am indifferent to the orgasm. It’s just that after the edging is done I don’t feel cheated. I feel that I have had a very good sexual experience that brings me closer to my lioness.

If, for example, tonight she said that she would be teasing me every day for another week but would not let me come, I would be a little disappointed but would truly look forward to the daily teasing. Six months ago I would pout and feel hurt that I had to wait so much longer. I think this is why I used to be grumpy on my sixth day of waiting and I don’t anymore. As long as she unlocks me and plays with my penis I am happy with the attention.

Having said that, a little voice inside me is saying, “Wait! You really need to come.” It’s true. I do. Like Paul, I have no bad side effects after I ejaculate. In fact, just like him, I am ready the next day with nearly as much arousal as I was after a long wait. So there is no penalty for coming. Do I want to wait longer? No, I don’t. Can I? Yes, without a doubt. Do I want to see how long I can go without coming? Nope. Well what do I want? I think I want to be told it will be “at least x days until you have a chance to come,” or “This could be the night,” and it isn’t.

I hate to admit it, but I like the tease. I am getting to like thinking that this time she is going to keep going and I will get to come. I can just tell. She is speeding up! Yes, yes just a few more strokes! She did say this could be it. Oh no! She stopped.

 

Up until now these nightly edgings have been fun. I assumed at some point Lion would beg for release and I would give it to him. Last night, as we went to bed, he said he was frustrated and not in a good mood. I know it will pass. I know he’ll be ready for another round of teasing tonight. I know it’s not supposed to be all fun and games for him. Orgasms are fun. Being made to wait is not fun. Being reminded nightly that you’re not allowed to come is not fun. And my perception that it’s not fun, and therefore not worth it, is not fun.

Now, I’m sure if you ask Lion he’ll just say last night was a momentary setback and he’s trying not to grumble. He loves being teased. He loves being denied. At some level he loves everything I do to him. But his mood affects me usually more than it affects him. Huh? How is that possible? When he’s down, I worry about him. I feel bad about whatever is bothering him and the fact that I can’t make it better. When he’s frustrated I feel bad that I am the reason he didn’t get an orgasm. Why didn’t I just give him the orgasm? Well, he doesn’t really want me to. But that doesn’t stop me from arguing with myself about it. (I may be crazy. My mother never had me tested.)

I’ve been doing better at telling Lion (and myself) that I am doing these things because he wants me to do them. Every night when I am done edging him I tell him it’s my job to be mean to him. He knows. He understands. He agrees. And, yes, I tell him not only so he hears it, but I hear it too. We are both on the same page. I heard me say it. Did you hear me say it? Yes. Good. It’s really more reinforcement for me than for him.

Tonight I’ll edge him again. And again. I lose track of how many times I do it. He can’t count past the first two. Poor Lion. The blood flow travels from his brain to Mr. Weenie and he loses all ability to think. I do wonder if his limited brain power at that point is having its own conversation. “Please let me come. Please let me come. I don’t want to come. Please don’t make me come. Are you crazy? Of course I want to come! Damn it! I didn’t get to come. Can we play again tomorrow?”

From my recent reading, there are a number of guys wearing chastity devices who are disappointed if their keyholders give them orgasms. Depending of which person’s blog you read, they prefer the arousal they get when giving orgasms to their keyholders or getting non-orgasmic teasing. A decent majority of them dislike being unlocked from their devices. This feels to me like a chicken-egg situation. Did they learn to avoid orgasm after being locked up, or did they not like coming and found enforced chastity a way to institutionalize this dislike?

Judging purely from my own experiences with Mrs. Lion, I’m leaning toward believing that enforced chastity can condition guys to prefer non-orgasmic sexual activity. As Mrs. Lion has been reporting, she has been edging me several times each night for the last six nights. I’m really enjoying this activity. I love the attention and after the first time she gets me to the very brink of ejaculation, I lose track of everything and just focus on the amazing arousal. These sensations are addictive. I love every bit of it.

Mrs. Lion has been experimenting with different techniques. She gets me to the edge the first time masturbating me just the way I like. After that, she has been doing very light touches to that super sensitive spot just under the head, continuing until I am ready to ejaculate. Another technique is very slow strokes, maddening exciting, and then when I feel close but sure she won’t let me come, she speeds up like she is determined to get me off. My hopes rise. I am ready to squirt. She stops. No! I  did a rough back-of-the-envelope calculation. Before this daily edging, I was brought to the edge 15-20 times for each actual orgasm. Daily edging will more than double this. This is exponentially more sex than I have had in decades.

Not all enforced chastity involves sex, at least not much of it. Some guys are locked up for weeks or months without the device being removed. Sexual stimulation is extremely rare. All of the sexual energy is focused on the keyholder. This is less chastity and more abstinence. That’s not my situation at all. My lioness has expressed an interest in continuing the daily edging and delaying release longer than usual. My typical wait is between five days and eleven days. Occasionally, it is as few as three or as much as twenty.

I wonder how I will feel after I finally get release. Will I feel disappointed because the super horny state will be gone for a while? Will I feel sad that a lot of time will pass before my next release? Prior to this much more intense teasing, I haven’t been depressed after orgasm. I feel relaxed and happy. But I wasn’t this horny before, not even close.

What if while she edges me, Mrs. Lion tells me that it will be at least another week before release and that I will be teased every night? Will that feel good or bad? I suspect that it will make my need even more intense. Is that good for me? This is very new territory. What if teasing frequency increases further; more edging, more announcements of my fate. I don’t know. I do know that I don’t want to reach the point that I dread an orgasm. I think that my health, mental and sexual, depends of a reasonable number of ejaculations. But I could be wrong.