I read voraciously. When I have an interest in a subject, I jump in with all four paws and learn as much as I can. Enforced Chastity and Female Led Relationships are no exceptions. There are a bunch of blogs written by women who are in FLR’s, most including enforced chastity. A few are written by women trying to sell books on the subject. Most are women sharing their lives and experiences. A few provide real insight on their lives in and out of the FLR arena. That few share some of the highs and lows of their external lives. I’ve noticed that in this group, the women are managing difficult situations outside of the essentially sexual FLR. They home school kids, deal with family crises, and manage large families. It would seem that these very busy and stressed women would be the last to take on sexual and social management of their men. But they do. I have great admiration for their ability to integrate these major issues with the comparatively frivolous FLR/enforced chastity. That demonstrates a level of unselfishness that I deeply respect.
The men in these relationships are very lucky. Based on the writings of the wives, most cope well with the life situations. Those who don’t, tend to drop their FLR roles during these times. Again, based purely on my reading, I see that the women remain willing to continue strict enforcement of rules, but sometimes hesitate out of concern for their mates’ struggles.
All this applies to us as well. It’s a tough time for me. The sudden loss of my job stings. As Mrs. Lion has written, she has wrestled with how this should affect our fledgling FLR. Enforced chastity is engrained in both of us, so we can continue that on automatic pilot if we want. But our brand of FLR is a different story. We’ve only just begun exploring expansion of Mrs. Lion’s authority. Now there is new stress in our lives.
She has written that she thinks tightening my leash will help me get back on emotional track. It’s not that I’ve slipped in my daily responsibilities, few that they are, but that perhaps obedience and consequences will help me rise above the current problems and right my emotional ship. This is a very maternal concept; providing a strong base in the face of difficulties. I think she is right. It may well be exactly what I need. I don’t need orgasms as treats right now. I do need grounding.
This maternal concept is very powerful. You may think I want a mommy. Oh no! I had a terrible mother and have no fond maternal memories I would like to relive. Maternal refers to a set of instincts that range from protectiveness to strong management of standards. I know that some people think men who want to be submissive want mommies. No, not true in my case at all. Oedipus is not my hero and I definitely want sex with Mrs. Lion. She’s not my mommy. But that particular combination of gentle love and firm discipline is what I need now. At least, I think I do.
Over the months, if you’ve been following our adventures, I’m sure you’ve read between the Lions. Some people have offered great advice on how we can proceed. We both appreciate that. I tend to respond more than Mrs. Lion, but she reads and takes in everything you have said to us. So here we are in a stressful time. Coincidentally, I asked Mrs. Lion to try some FLR/domestic discipline just prior to this problem.
She has issues with consistency and being proactive. Her life has taught her that keeping a low profile and not making changes is safest. We couldn’t be more opposite in that respect. What I have asked of her goes against her every instinct. Now we have new stresses in our lives. What’s a poor lioness to do? She’s said she wants to go on and actually turn the heat up under me. I have to agree with that plan. Now we will learn together what she has in mind.
There are a lot of misconceptions about terms of endearment, titles, and the meanings thereof. I have been “momma” and it has nothing to do with him seeing me in an Oedipal way. Leading in a nurturing way comes naturally to some of us (Me). Respect and appreciation for being well taken care of is equally natural for others (him), depending on what side of the spectrum you swing.
I find it interesting that there are plenty of “daddies” out there, which is just sort of accepted. But when any sort of nurture leadership is desired/experienced/expressed from the male perspective, it tends to come with all kinds of explanations and “No, I don’t need a mother” caveats. Societal double standards? Machoism? The ingraining of traditional roles? I’m mot sure what causes this, but from a sociological perspective, it’s fascinating.
[ . . . thinking . . . ]
You have a good point. In the D/S community, straight and gay, “daddy” is very positive. “Mommy” is reserved for the adult babies. I think that much of female topping/domination is maternal in nature. There is definitely a serious double standard at work. It isn’t just the men. Mrs. Lion hates the idea that she is being maternal with me. My feelings on the subject are mixed. The fact is that we are partners in the best sense of the word. FLR to us doesn’t imply all life decisions. We aren’t really sure what it implies at this point. So, as usual, we are working things out as we go. One of the worst things about the Internet is the obsession with labels. Some clarity here would be most welcome.