Every time I want to give Lion an orgasm I think I should just do it. You know, the long buildup and then the orgasm. But now it feels like there’s pressure to edge him first. Tease him and edge him every other day. Tease him further than last time. There’s always the possibility of a ruined orgasm. Then there’s the possibility of whatever we had the other night which was more than a ruined orgasm. Then there’s last night which was beyond that. I pushed him way too far and he didn’t get his orgasm that he had been anticipating for eleven days.

He’s disappointed. I’m disappointed. We tried again about an hour later, but whether it was really not possible or he was just too upset, I couldn’t get him hard again. Maybe we could try in the morning, but Lion has never been a morning sex kind of guy. In this case, that really sucks because we’ve got a seven hour drive ahead of us and he’s wild and he’s disappointed and I’m mad that I disappointed him and now I’m awake at 5 in the morning writing this and you can imagine how much fun this drive will be.

The worst part is that for a few minutes he thought I was actually trying to push him too far. Why would I do that when I know he’s been waiting eleven days? Why would I do that when he specifically said he didn’t want to come a day early because he was looking forward to “a big send off” for our last trip? I should have just played with him enough to get him excited and then given him his orgasm. Nothing fancy. But I feel pressure to make it fancy. I don’t want him to have a boring orgasm after waiting so long and with him anticipating “a big send off”.

He’s been telling me how much better I am at edging him and how interesting it feels to have multiple ruined orgasms. Do more. Do it more often. He says I’m starting to enjoy things. I think I’m just getting more confident that I can do what he wants and not hurt him. And then something like this happens and the rug is pulled out from under me again.

I’m sure he’ll read this and think we should just stop or that I want to stop. I’m just irritated that I disappointed him and for what? So he could have a better, less vanilla orgasm? Yeah, that worked out. I know I can make him come tonight, but it was supposed to be last night. And I was already thinking about making him come tonight anyway.

I think I’ll go back to my less confident way of doing things. In some ways I feel safer with my insecurities.

in control
Mrs. Lion has evolved and taken more and more control of me.

Over the last six months Mrs. Lion has evolved from a reluctant keyholder who just wanted to do what I want to a lioness in control of my chastity. This evolution hasn’t been easy for her and I am very grateful for her efforts. It seems that with each passing week she seems more comfortable as her role as my keyholder. For example, she plans my waits and sticks to her plans. Twice in recent days she has told me that she wants me to please her. How cool is that? She writes that she does it as an alternative to teasing me. That’s fine. I just love giving her pleasure. Wednesday night I was allowed to give her several orgasms. I had my cage on and my penis was pushing hard against the bars.

She’s also publicly set goals for herself: teasing every other day, longer waits with added or subtracted days, enjoying my frustration, more discipline, etc. All of these challenge her since she isn’t generally a results-oriented person. She made it clear that I will be caged for a very long time. She said that the cage helps her to stay with the focus on our sexual communication.

Most significantly, she seems to have learned to enjoy the results of her actions. She laughs at my grumbles and appears to genuinely enjoy seeing me frustrated at the edge of orgasm. She also seems to like reminding me that I have to wait when I let her know I am horny.

All this seems to signal that Mrs. Lion is having some fun with my chastity. That is what I had hoped would happen. As she gets more comfortable and continues to realize that I am happy and grateful she is “torturing” me, I’m sure she will expand her activities and control. Mrs. Lion read this post and commented that she isn’t sure that she is enjoying my response as much as grateful she can do it with less trepidation.

I look forward (and dread) the expansion of her activities. I am all too aware that my anal training has just started. I wonder if Mrs. Lion will set a date by which I must accept her hand? That may be the one element that Mrs. Lion might consider changing. Goals are wonderful, but are improved with a target date.

I am also sure she will expand her disciplinary activities. I remember when I first asked her to spank me; those first swats were just little pats on my butt. Now, she has no problem making me squirm. I expect she will expand her spanking and shocking and begin enjoying my discomfort. Once she starts liking my reaction, she will push harder. I want her to do that. After all, a month or two ago, Mrs. Lion felt badly when she edged me and saw my frustration. Now she enjoys seeing me squirm and react when I get just to the edge and she stops. I think that if she disciplines more (she really doesn’t need a reason) she will also enjoy my discomfort. I  know I will.

Now from the title you’d probably expect that I caved in and gave Lion his orgasm a day early. I did not. What I did do, however, was allow him to give me an orgasm. Quite a few in fact. And how is that a treat for him?

Lion gets a big erection when he gives me orgasms. Had he been uncaged he probably would have gotten one last night. My intent was to make him hornier by proxy. I hope I made him more aware of the cage and the fact that he can’t come without permission. And he loves to give me orgasms. And I love to get them. Win-win.

Yesterday, I emailed him partway through the day that I would be needing his tongue or fingers later on. I asked him if that woke up Mr. Weenie. He said it certainly did. Bingo! He was now in anticipation mode. Of course he had no idea whether he would be uncaged for the festivities. I wasn’t sure if he would be either. It crossed my mind to unlock him so I could ride him when I was done with my orgasms. I love feeling him inside me. But, given my recent track record of ruined orgasms and the fact that I have no self-control, I probably would have given him a full orgasm. So I figure the Lion riding will wait till tonight.

After he was done with me, or I was done with him, I was playing with him through the cage and he said it’s too bad the cage covers the more sensitive parts of his cock. Poor boy. If I could touch the more sensitive parts then he could too. Not a good idea. It is a little frustrating for me to try to tease him through the bars, but I have the key and I can get to any part I want at any time. He shouldn’t be able to. Besides, he’ll have five days without the cage so he can touch anywhere he wants. But that doesn’t mean he should touch himself.

I haven’t decided how long Lion’s next wait will be. I do know that there will be opportunities for time off or time added. I’m going to enjoy our final trip of the summer and he can enjoy his wildness. Then I’ll decide.

(Wednesday, August 27, 2014) Tuesday night was teasing night in the lions’ den. Mrs. Lion decided to tease me orally. This is very intense. She got me very excited, nearly to the edge a couple of times and then went in for the kill. Once again she got me just past the point of no return. It was a pretty large ruined orgasm. When I calmed a bit, she returned to the scene of the crime and continued oral attention. The tip of my penis was very sensitive and she gave it a lot of tongue attention. I couldn’t help squirming. After a while, she stopped and let me calm down. I did remain hard after the ruined orgasm once again.

Later, we chatted a bit. I wondered (out loud) if the ruined orgasms have the effect of taking the edge off my desperation to come. Mrs. Lion said I could wait another week if I wanted. I said I didn’t. However today, while I am still horny and unsatisfied, I am definitely not desperate the way I was the last time I had to wait this long. Today is the tenth day (of eleven). At this point during my twelve day wait, the instant I was uncaged I was hard. Last night, it took a bit of convincing to get me to stand at attention. However, Mrs. Lion did point out that my erection was really large; she couldn’t get it all in her mouth. I have to admit that until now, I never gave a lot of thought to the quality of my arousal. I just thought of myself as hard or soft. Clearly, ruined orgasms change my sexual responses.

The tease session before last night (Tuesday) was on Sunday night. During that session I had two ruined orgasms. Afterward, during the night, I woke and found myself trying to get hard. This sort of response also happens after a full orgasm. The next day (Monday), I was fairly mellow and not particularly desperate for release. Tuesday, however, was a different story. Sex was on my mind a lot. I really wanted to come.

Today is like Monday. I am easy to arouse; just thinking about last night is giving me a chubby. But I also feel rather content. In fact, on Tuesday when I thought about Mrs. Lion making me wait longer I got pretty concerned. I didn’t want that to happen and I wrote about it in yesterday’s post. Now, as I consider Mrs. Lion’s threat of another week, I am not as upset. If Mrs. Lion decides to make me wait a little longer (not a week!), I won’t like it, but it won’t be as serious as I thought yesterday. This doesn’t mean that the extension isn’t a big deal, it just reflects my day-after-ruined-orgasm state of mind. Tomorrow, it will feel like the end of the world.

Mrs. Lion really enjoys delivering ruined orgasms. I love that she enjoys it. I hope she makes that a regular part of her lion teasing. I just think that she may need to consider my day-after state of mind in her plans for lion management. I don’t think I need 24 hours to recover my prior state.  I can already feel the desperation creeping back.

I know that a key part of sexual control is manipulation of my desire for sex. Edging keeps my interest in an orgasm in the front of my mind. Just being locked up without teasing will drastically reduce my desire to orgasm after a day or two. That’s why Mrs. Lion teases me every other day. It assures that I can’t forget that she controls my ability to orgasm.

If my thinking is correct, by tomorrow morning I will really want that orgasm. If Mrs. Lion edges me tonight without a ruined orgasm, then by Thursday I will be super desperate for that promised release. I knew that teasing played a bit part in my reaction to being caged, but I had no idea it is such a powerful tool for controlling me.