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In: Keyholder, Male Chastity, Mrs Lion Comments

Read that as a mini vacation for Lion’s weenie, not a vacation for a mini weenie.

Last night I freed Lion, fully intending to edge him a few times and then perhaps, depending on his reactions, give him an orgasm. Instead, I pushed just a little too far and gave him a ruined orgasm. Damn! I hate that!

Afterwards, I decided to leave him wild. Why? I’m not sure. Am I tired of locking him up? No way! I guess I just thought, since the rest of him is on a mini vacation, then his weenie should have a mini vacation too. For how long? Who knows? I may let him run wild for a few more hours. I may wait till tonight. I’m playing it by ear.

I imagine Lion has mixed emotions about it. On the one hand, I’m sure he’s enjoying his freedom. On the other hand, I’m sure he’s wondering if I will ever lock him up again.  There’s no way I would ever not lock him up again. We’ve been through too much in the past six months to stop now. But that doesn’t mean I can’t give him a break if I feel like it. Granted, a long break would require a discussion, but I’ve decided a short one is well within my authority.

Will I give him his orgasm tonight? I think that depends on his reaction to being wild and his horniness factor. It could go different ways of course. If he’s really horny I may just laugh at him and make him wait anyway. Or I could take pity on the poor, pathetic Lion. I may not be certain about his orgasmic future, but I am positive he will be caged again by the time he falls asleep tonight.

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In: Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

In her Thursday post Mrs. Lion wrote about her concerns about giving me an orgasm too soon. She also wrote about the fact that she finds it pointless to wait too long. She said:

“Besides, if I wanted to deny him that long we could have just continued with our previous state of sexual relations. I could have let him take care of himself.“

Interesting point. She equates our pre-cage sex life with extended waits. I have to agree that it was indeed like that, but I had no idea that she thought of it that way. I didn’t think she was aware of it at all. More telling is that we both realize that forced chastity actually increased the amount of sexual activity we have. I don’t think we are unique. The supreme irony of forced male chastity is that couples who practice it tend to have more and better sex than they did before. There are exceptions to this. Some couples enjoy extended waiting with the caged male going months or even years without an orgasm. Even in these cases, the relationship is not sexless. The caged male is often teased and his partner regularly satisfied without permitting the male to come. The key is that sexual awareness and activity seem to increase with male chastity.

I know that “taking care” of myself loses a lot of pleasure after a while. It should. If masturbating was too much fun, we wouldn’t need partners. The species would die out. I know that in my pre-cage days I wouldn’t masturbate very regularly. Pressure would build up each day I went without release and the internal debate was always about whether it was worth the trouble. If I had a particularly hot fantasy, then it was worth it. But usually I elected not to masturbate. Even though I wouldn’t masturbate to orgasm, I liked getting hard. I made a point of getting hard in the shower. It was fun and way easier to be sure I got all the nooks and crannies nice and clean. Interactive sex was very infrequent. We could go months without anything. I hated that.

I also felt very guilty that I wasn’t aggressively initiating sex with Mrs. Lion. I always imagined her interest in sex is the same as mine. For some reason I can’t get it through my head she could want less, a lot less. She’s written about that here, but deep down inside I think it’s my fault. If I were a more aggressive lover she would crave sex all the time. I truly believe that. Each time she gets me off I feel guilty that I can’t give her the same pleasure.

Because she is such a good person, Mrs. Lion tries to have more interest in her own orgasms. I know she does this because it bothers me that I don’t turn her into a horny sex machine. I know on a conscious level that she is responsible for her feelings and getting what she needs. I believe her when she says she gets her sexual pleasure from my orgasms. But deep down I believe it is my fault she doesn’t have more fun. She needs to know that this isn’t her problem. She doesn’t need to change because of my fragile, male ego.

This is where my caging is playing a very positive role. We are communicating more. More importantly, Mrs. Lion is learning not to feel guilty when I grumble about being horny. She is learning to enjoy it and cheerfully telling me to wait. In the bad old days if I let it be known I was horny, I think she felt an obligation to get me off. Also if we played — spanked me, did cock and ball torture, or anal play — she felt obligated to provide a “happy ending” by jerking me off or giving me oral sex. She mentioned that in  her post.

I have to admit that I always did get an orgasm at the end of bottoming and I always gave one to women I topped. But in the context of being caged, that expectation has to be forgotten. In my new role, orgasms are given to me when Mrs. Lion decides she wants me to come. Similarly, spankings and anal training are like teasing; she administers them as a way to keep me focused on my need to come and her absolute control over when I finally get that pleasure.

In some relationships, the cage is used as a tool to encourage the male to transfer his pleasure from his penis to unselfish gifts to his keyholder. The orgasm may start as a reward for being a good boy, but often becomes almost unnecessary as the transfer of male pleasure continues. Mrs. Lion has made it clear that isn’t her goal. It was never the motivation I had to ask her to cage me. We are evolving in a different direction. Mrs. Lion keeps me waiting until she decides the time is right. Apparently there are no rules to determine how long it will be. It’s at her pleasure. I love that. It’s exactly what I want.

Of course, there is more. I have expressed my desire for teasing and play. Mrs. Lion has embraced that by setting goals for herself and for me.  She has committed to anal training that will develop my ability to accept and retain larger objects including her hand. She is edging me almost every other day and is spanking me more frequently. These are things I love to hate. One area that we haven’t explored consistently is discipline. It may be that even though it is something I always thought I wanted, it just won’t work in reality for us. I’m fine with that. I admit that I would like to get some orgasms as rewards for good behavior. I’m not entirely sure why, but the thought is a turn on. Again, it is just a fantasy and I am not that concerned if we don’t make it real.

The fact is that I love what we are doing. Things have gotten a lot better in the last six months. Right now I would love to jerk off. Thinking about all this and telling you has turned me on. Oh well, eventually Mrs. Lion will let me orgasm. It will be much better than anything I could do alone.

 

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In: Keyholder, Male Chastity, Mrs Lion Comments

After a few weeks of dormancy, Lion is horny again. Apparently it was the latest orgasm that did it. Maybe it primed the pump, so to speak. He said he was horny the day after his orgasm. Success!

The only issue so far with his resurrected libido is that I drove close to six hours yesterday and he wanted attention. Yawn! I was tired. Luckily he settled for some light playing with his balls and cock through the cage. He did make a comment about the shortened cage not being conducive to touching him. This is another example of being careful what you ask for. He wanted the shorter cage so he could pee sitting down. I guess he gave up the ability to be played with through the cage for that.

Tonight Lion will get more attention. I don’t have specific plans yet but I’m sure he will enjoy it. Of course, he may not enjoy it at the time. He’s fond of saying that. I’m not sure if I believe him. Mr. Weenie springs to attention in defiance. I guess it’s possible to be turned on while not exactly enjoying it. This is another thing that is hard to wrap my mind around. But I know by now that it doesn’t have to make sense to me in order for me to do it to him. It’s just one more reason to laugh at him.

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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

Lately, Mrs. Lion and I have discussed our individual approaches to forced male chastity. If you regularly read here, you will have seen much of our conversations. I’ve been giving a lot of thought to roles and rules. In my experience as a top, I know that much of what happens with a bottom is more the wishes of the bottom than the top’s. I think this is generally true in the BDSM world. The reason for this is pretty simple: the bottom expresses his or her desires to the top. The top reviews this and adds his or her own personal interests. This is negotiation. I have never played with a new partner without sufficient negotiation to have a very good idea what each of our expectations are. This flies in the face of the standard fantasies where the  “dom” simply forces the “sub” to obey and endure whatever he wants to dish out.

Negotiation is not a script. It just allows each person to talk about what they like or would like and what they do or don’t expect. One reason that sessions in BDSM are called “scenes” is that there is the theatrical element of scripting involved at some level. Even in a lifestyle situation with a full time master and slave, negotiation is critical. I “owned” a slave for ten years. She unconditionally surrendered to me. If I told her to quit her job, she would. This is a role she cherished. However, the reality under this was our relationship. If she were a true slave, simply property, she would never get into my bed or go out to dinner with me. She would be another appliance. The reality was we lived together and both of us worked to please one another. What does this have to do with forced male chastity?

The answer is that many of us caged males make some very unreasonable requests of our keyholders. Mrs. Lion is my wife. I lover her with all my heart. She feels the same toward me. She is my keyholder because she knows being caged is something I want. Since she is doing it for me, she wants me to enjoy it as much as possible. In the meantime I want her to take charge and make decisions that govern my sexual activity. She wants to make those decisions in a way that meet my wishes/fantasy. You can see the problem. I want her to be in control. She is willing to take control but wants the control she exercises to meet my expectations. Effectively, that puts me in charge.

This paradox can cause a lot of problems. Both of us want things to work for one another, yet this desire creates anxiety and concern. Since I have a lot of experience in the BDSM world, I understand the challenge. It doesn’t make it easier to manage, but at least I am not going into depression because I don’t get my male chastity fantasy just the way I want it.

There is a solution: feedback. As a caged male, I have to understand that I can not spend 100% of my life as my keyholder’s bottom. Even in matters of chastity I must take an active role to assure that Mrs. Lion has a rewarding experience as my keyholder. I know that her happiness with our chastity activities depends on how she feels about the quality of topping she is giving me. The only way she can be sure that she is doing the “right” thing is to find out from me. See the challenge? I have to go out of my role as her caged male/bottom and provide her with feedback about our activities.

For example, on Thursday she worried that she gave me an orgasm too soon and that I really wanted her to make me wait more. Because she expressed that concern here, I was able to assure her that I am very happy with her decision. The only way she, or any other keyholder, can build confidence is to get regular, positive feedback. What if my response was that I was disappointed she didn’t make me wait a month? Well, she got some information: I want more lockup time. She also has a new option. She can make me get what I wished for, except since she is the top, she would make me wait two months instead of one This way she has taken and acted on feedback and at the same time asserted her control by giving me more than I bargained for.

For the record, I am not saying I want to be locked up a month or more. I am just demonstrating that a top/keyholder doesn’t lose authority by taking and acting on feedback. As a top, the key is to take the feedback, twist it just enough to make it “interesting” for the bottom and act on it.

Many caged males need to experience what they ask for before they learn that they are better off allowing their keyholders to make the decisions and not be bound by their fantasies. Being a keyholder, or a top for that matter, is very much a parent role. The authority model is the same and the expectations of the grown up “child” are pretty similar to the real child. The caged male is probably looking for a combination of loving authority and stern discipline. How far into day-to-day life this parent role extends is an individual matter. But with forced male chastity, the minimum is sexual control and control over the use of his penis.

Being a keyholder or a caged male are roles that take time to develop. Allow yourselves the time to fit into your role in a comfortable, fun way. After all, this is supposed to be fun for both keyholder and male; for the male, at least some of the time. 🙂