determined woman
I’m making steady progress taming my lion. His complaining used to make me feel guilty. Now I just laugh. I still have to build up my determination to punish him the way he says he wants. He may be sorry he wished for this!

At first I thought the next phase was amusement with Lion’s predicament. But then I realized it’s actually determination, on my part. While I still often feel inadequate in my role as top to my wonderful Lion, I have moments of clarity when I know exactly what needs to be done and how to accomplish it. I need to learn to run with those moments because, while they seem to be lasting longer lately, they are fleeting.

Part of the problem, of course, is that life gets in the way. For example, I’m sitting at work and I think of something I think Lion would love to do (or more correctly, he would hate to have done to him) but the implements are home and I’m not sure if things will work exactly like I want them to work. By the time I get home, there are six other things on my plate, so I forget to look at those implements. I need to be more determined to follow up on my evil plans.

Another problem is that, although his pathetic look is amusing most of the time, I know he is suffering to some degree. And if I’ve already got him out of his cage for teasing, then what’s the harm in actually making him come? He feels better. I feel better. Maybe I get a snack. Maybe he gets a snack. I’m my own worst enemy! I need to be more determined to make him wait by making myself wait.

I think the hardest part is punishment. I know Lion wants it. I also know I am horrible at it. I was horrible at punishing my kids and that was usually just sending them to their room or grounding them. Lion wants physical punishment. I don’t mind the swats for dropping food, etc. Those are quick and now I find out he likes them. What he is really looking for is the very hard swats that really hurt, to correct behavior. That will take some doing. Not only because I don’t know if I can force myself to swat him that hard, but also because I can’t think of anything he does that is so wrong that it needs to be corrected in that manner. It’s very difficult for me to wrap my mind around that. Not that he’s perfect. But I’m not wired to change him. Toilet seat up; toilet seat down. Wherever it is just move the damn thing and get on with it. So that may require more determination than I have. But I’ll certainly work on it.

woman spanking man
My most frequent punishment is spanking. Mrs. Lion has become a most excellent spanker

(Friday, June 27 2014) Last night we went to the theater so there was no time for any sexual activity. We were both tired and I was still feeling well teased (translation: horny) from the night before. Yesterday, Mrs. Lion wrote about teasing me and the mixed feelings it generates. I can understand that. I am also very happy she remembers that it is my choice to get this and she shouldn’t feel guilty. Or should she? No! Just teasing. My last post was about the emotional and sexual value of her teasing and denial. This is a profound discovery for me. Since in the short time (almost six months) I have been locked up 24/7, I have gone through periods of no sexual attention and others with a lot. As I wrote, the times when I was sexually ignored felt very lonely to me. This is a punishment opportunity for Mrs. Lion, I suppose, but one I hope she reserves for more serious offenses.

In this game there appear to be two distinct types of punishment: corrective and playful. Playful punishment in my mind is used for forgetting things, eating first, dropping food, etc. It ranges from shocks with my invisible leash to spankings (hard and soft). The punishments fit my need for discipline and are not emotionally painful; they just hurt physically. They really aren’t playful in the sense of teasing me, they do hurt; but they don’t make me sad. Corrective punishments are reserved for lessons I need to be taught. If Mrs. Lion wants me to understand that something I have done (or not done) should never be repeated, then the punishment needs to send a strong message completely outside my discipline fantasy. This can include significant extension of my wait for my next orgasm, no attention for a period of time, removal of privileges, etc. Now, extension of my lockup time is really more of a playful punishment and I expect (hope?) it is imposed frequently. But extension of a month would be corrective. In that case it is a matter of degree.

While Mrs. Lion wrote about teasing and the guilt it can provoke. I think she feels even more guilt about any punishment that I don’t appear to enjoy. That may sound contradictory, but it isn’t. She has learned that I love the idea of being spanked and I love remembering how she spanked me  after she has finished and some of the burning has faded. She also knows I hate it while she is doing it (sometimes). But I have noticed that if she sees I am not having a good time (in a masochistic way) during the spanking, she reduces the force and stops soon after. I think that is because she is doing the spanking for me since it is something I want. She’s right, it is. But there’s more to it than that.

This is very much like my forced chastity. What makes it really work for me is that I have given up control.  I’m learning how it feels to lose control over my sexual satisfaction and how to deal with it, and Mrs. Lion is learning that she should feel good about depriving me. The same is true with discipline. I need to learn that when I am punished it isn’t for my entertainment. It is to reinforce my understanding that if I don’t obey or do something I shouldn’t that there will be consequences I can’t control and won’t like.

Usually it is very arousing for me to be face down on the bed awaiting my spanking. That’s fine for me and Mrs. Lion (she comments if I’m not hard). It’s really good that when she spanks me, she builds up slowly to help my endorphins by starting slowly with her hand and then graduating to more painful toys. It’s perfect! In fact, if we were doing BDSM play, she would be rated as a topnotch spanker. Where things get more difficult is when it is clear I am starting to hate my spanking. My butt is burning and each swat with the paddle makes me want to run away. That’s why restraint (or sitting on my back) is required. If she is spanking me right, I will try to escape. At this point she is in control and I know I’m not going anywhere.

When I want to escape, it is the point where a conversation — one way with Mrs. Lion speaking — is useful. The point of the conversation is to reinforce her control. Telling me that a hard one is coming, or here are ten quick swats is a way of verbally asserting the control her paddle is reinforcing. Similarly, asking me if I want her to stop and then telling me, “No, you need more,” is another assertion of control. That’s the entire point of the chastity and discipline. I love that.

Mrs. Lion has done a wonderful job learning to spank me. She has conquered her feelings of guilt to a large degree and has entered into the spirit of our adventure. I don’t want her to feel this post is highlighting something she is doing wrong. It isn’t. This post reflects my newly crystallized understanding of my need for chastity and discipline. If Mrs. Lion doesn’t change anything, we will be fine. In my eyes she is perfect.

woman sexually tesasing man
Being a tease was a bad thing when I was in college. Now it’s something Lion wants me to do. I am learning to enjoy it and not feel guilty for leading him on. However, he is getting good at looking pathetic. It won’t work, Lion!

As I’ve mentioned before, I didn’t have a wild youth. I never went out with anyone until I was in college. No one ever called me a tease — until now. Back then the title would have had a negative connotation. Now I take pride in being able to tease my poor Lion right to the edge. And sometimes over the edge — accidentally or not.

It’s still difficult. It just feels like I’m the worst person in the world when I get him all riled up and leave him hanging. I know I hate when it happens to me. I have to keep telling myself that he really wants me to do it. I think that’s why it bothers me when he gets grumpy about it. If I forget that he asked for it, I feel guilty for denying him. Fortunately it’s been getting easier to remember that he asked to be caged. He asked to be denied. It’s all his fault. Blame it all on the poor Lion. So then I can laugh at him when he gives me his best pathetic look. He’s been working hard to perfect it.

I’ve decided he likes to grumble. Grumble, grumble, horny. Grumble, grumble, not fair. Grumble, grumble, grumble. Coupled with his pathetic look, it can get quite amusing. Sometimes I just smile at him. Sometimes I ignore him. (I think it’s more frustrating for him when his pleas are flatly ignored.) Sometimes I try to fix the situation. He grumbled that he didn’t have a firm date to shoot for so I gave him a firm date. Now he’s grumbling that it’s so far away. Poor boy. He really does need to be careful what he asks for. Next time it may be fifteen days. Or I may take pity on him and make it only five. I could always go back to the nightly regimen of orgasms. It might get boring if he knew he always had to make it the same length of time. Whatever method I use to determine it, I will definitely switch it up on him. As his tease, it’s my job to keep things interesting. How am I doing, my pet? [You are doing wonderfully (grumble, grumble, grumble, poor lion) — Lion]

man cleaning
I always wondered why some cage males fantasize about cleaning as something they “need” to do when caged. I understand now.

Last night Mrs. Lion teased me and spanked my cock and balls. It was difficult at times, but it left me with a feeling of contentment even though I am hornier than ever. There is a misconception about forced male chastity that can create some issues for a caged male. This misconception is that forced male chastity is about withholding sex from the caged male. It isn’t. It’s withholding orgasm and erection without permission. There is a critical difference here that I didn’t fully understand until I had been caged a while.

A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. Lion ignored me sexually for several days. I was safely locked in my cage and she provided no genital stimulation. My preconception about my chastity was that if I were ignored, I would lose interest in sex and being locked up would be much easier. I was wrong. If you think about forced male chastity as being in jail (which, of course, it isn’t), then being sexually ignored is like solitary confinement. For me, at least, it feels very lonely and sad. I was surprised when I felt this. I spoke to Mrs. Lion about it and she corrected the problem. It turns out that she did this intentionally. It was an experiment on her part. Being continuously locked up (no breaks for teasing or hygiene) is a very unpleasant punishment for me. I’m sure she will make use of this if necessary.

As a typical male, I always believed that sex had to include orgasm. Most women don’t think that way, but I think most males do. So, I reasoned, if I am deprived of orgasms, I’m not getting sex. I believed and have written that regular tease and deny is required to keep the male horny and focused on his chastity. It’s true. It does do that. But it has another, more important value: it provides sexual experience. It isn’t as odd as it seems. When I was alone and my only sexual outlet was masturbation, it never felt very satisfying. The orgasm felt great, but I still went away unsatisfied.

Now, when Mrs. Lion plays with me and teases me to the edge over and over, I feel very frustrated and ready to do anything to get an orgasm, but after she locks me up again I have a satisfied, just-had-sex feeling. I get the same feeling after bringing Mrs. Lion to some orgasms. Even if I never leave my cage, I feel that I have had sex. Most other caged males report similar responses to pleasing their keyholders. I always thought this was odd and probably just a manifestation of the male’s sexual fantasy about chastity. I was wrong.

I’ve commented about how some caged males say that they magically want to wear panties and do housework. If their sexual fantasies include such things, being made (allowed) to do them will also provide non-orgasmic sexual pleasure and satisfaction. This also explains why many men also want to be pegged (anally penetrated). It’s sex. It just doesn’t include orgasm. It’s clear that all this non-orgasmic, but sexual stuff is psychologically substituting for more traditional orgasmic releases. As a keyholder, you can substitute other, formally non-sexual activities, for orgasmic sex for your caged male. This is one argument in favor of extended waits between orgasms. The longer he has to wait, the easier it will be for you to substitute non-orgasmic activities for his former sexual releases. Of course this requires balance. Your male still requires orgasms. Over time he will require less frequent releases. However, regular release is a very good incentive for good behavior and is physically and psychologically important to male health.

Your caged male needs regular sexual attention for his mental health. He doesn’t need orgasms or erections on demand. But he needs to be handled regularly. He also will benefit from being allowed to bring you to orgasm and provide any other sexual services you like. Many males fantasize about long waits with no stimulation. I suggest you restrict the no-stimulation time to a week or less unless he is in “solitary” for a serious offense.

Many of the behavioral changes, like my grumpiness, are less the result of orgasm deficiency and more a cry for more sexual activity. After last night, I am pretty desperate to come. It’s been only four days, but all that stimulation does focus me on wanting to come. However, I feel like I have been having regular sex. Emotionally, I am satisfied and happy. Sexually, I would really, really like to ejaculate. So goes the life of a caged lion.