I don’t like confrontation. I had far too much of it in my last marriage. My ex and I would fight for hours only to discover we were both saying the same thing. In the event that I “won” an argument over, say, which car to buy, and that car happened to break down ever, he’d let me know that I’d been wrong in yet another argument. So I made a conscious decision that I didn’t want to fight with Lion.

How in the world do you avoid fighting? I stopped arguing. If Lion wanted a red couch and I wanted the brown one, we got the red one. If he wanted to go out to eat we went out to eat. I don’t give him any ammunition to tell me that my decision was the wrong one. This, of course, creates other problems.

Lion was getting pretty tired of making all the decisions all the time. It’s exhausting. But even more problematic is the fact that Lion is not my ex. They are two different people who act differently. He was not looking for me to screw up a decision like I imagine my ex was. (I’ve never actually discussed this idea with my ex so I don’t know if he was really just laying in wait for me to make a mistake.) And Lion also wanted me to take charge in the bedroom.

On a good day I’m not really a take charge kind of person. I’ve been trying a lot more lately. But when I’m tired I tend to lapse back into the adversarial role I had with my ex. If I perceive an attack I go on the defensive very quickly.

When we travel I don’t sleep well. Something always seems off. And then, because we take my truck, I’m usually the one driving, which makes me more tired. I was thinking the other day that we don’t travel well together. However, I think it may be because we’re both tired.

I’ll say something and he’ll take it the wrong way. Or vice versa. We snap at each other. When I mentioned something about it on the way home he told me I have the shock collar and I can just zap him when he does something wrong. But what if I’m wrong? I can’t just zap him when he does something I don’t like, can I? Even for things we didn’t discuss? If I’m in a particularly cranky mood I could run through the batteries very quickly and Lion’s balls will be fried. I know he wants me to be in charge, but it doesn’t make any sense to me that I should punish him for things that may not be wrong.

Today he turned on the tv while I was trying to write my post. I’ve told him it bothers me when he just comes in the room and turns on the tv while I’m working on something. It kills my train of thought. But I also know I’m tired.  I’m more sensitive. I’m cranky. Yes, I’m bitchy. And we may also be heading into PMS season. Is that reason enough for Lion to keep his head down and avoid my cross hairs? I am supposed to be correcting behavior, but I need to do it rationally. I do not have absolute power. But I do have absolute responsibility for myself.

I guess the cage is teaching me about Lion and myself.

wedding rings and chastity cage
We now have two symbols of our marriage and commitment: our wedding rings and my chastity cage.

Monday June 2 2014) A comment to a post by Mrs. Lion wondered why the chastity device is needed at all. The writer observed that obedience, chastity, discipline were all just as possible without locking up the male’s penis. It’s a fair observation. Prior to being locked up I didn’t have a problem running around and having sex with random women. My cage isn’t required to keep me from having sex with others. It isn’t really needed to prevent me from masturbating. As Mrs. Lion pointed out, my wedding ring isn’t what keeps me married. If I take it off, nothing changes.

At least for me, being locked into my cage makes a big difference. It doesn’t change my behavior directly, but it changes things profoundly. Without the cage, I won‘t masturbate or have sex with other women. With the cage, I can’t. Before, I chose to be faithful. Now I have no choice. From a pure behavioral perspective, nothing is different. But for me it is a big change. For example, prior to being caged I enjoyed seeing a nice female butt. I felt no impulse to act but I admit it was nice to admire. Now that I am caged, I may look out of habit but don’t get that warm feeling. I think it is because before I knew it was possible to do more than look; not that I would do more than that, but it was possible. Now I know it is impossible. Sorta takes the fun out of it.

This is all irrational. But as Mrs. Lion pointed out, so is wearing a wedding ring. The cage is just more emphatic. I think the cage changes Mrs. Lion too. She knows that I have no chance to use my penis for more than peeing. She has learned that she has total control over my sex life. In fact, she did before, but that was because I chose to give that to her. Now, she has taken it. Over the months of my lockup she has also realized that the cage is hers. I have given up the choice of when I will and won’t wear it. We are both settling in to our roles.

So, if I no longer wear my cage would all this change? It might not, but neither of us want me to stop wearing it. Just like our wedding rings, the cage is a symbol of our power exchange. Unlike the wedding ring, I can’t take it off and as long as the cage is locked around my penis, I can’t use it for any sexual purpose. As Mrs. Lion said, I am trusting her with my favorite toy. There is nothing symbolic about the fact that she has complete control over my ability to enjoy sex. I can’t use my cock for anything except peeing. That is a big change.

Lion paints a wonderful picture of his vacation fun, but he leaves out a few details. And, of course, he can’t give you my point of view. Things were somewhat different in my mind.

We had to run to Walmart, since we have never gone anywhere without forgetting at least one thing. Walking past the paint department I spotted a paint stirrer. I snatched one up. I had plans for this little strip of wood. Lion made his uh oh face.

When I unlocked him that night, the first thing I did was massage his balls. I told him I was going to toughen them up. I swatted them a few times with my hand. Then I pulled out the paint stirrer. I guess it stings quite a bit because Lion was squirming in no time. I also swatted the head of his penis and down the shaft. More squirming. Exactly the reaction I was looking for. While I was swatting him I was talking to him. I told him he was doing great. I asked him how it felt and he said it stung but it felt fine. I said his balls were getting tougher already.

After I was finished with his balls, I told him we were going to try out his new restraints. Lion was very accurate in his description of his spanking. I did continue after he started complaining, which was something he pointed out previously. However, this is where our stories diverge.

I don’t normally talk much while I’m playing with Lion. He’s told me he wants encouragement. So while spanking him I told him how rosy his cheeks were getting and how much I love red buns. After a particularly hard set of swats with the strap I leaned close to him and said he took it very well. I kissed his butt and told him how cute it was. To me this is encouragement.

When I released Lion and asked how it felt he said he loved it but could use more encouragement. This was very discouraging to me. What had I been doing? Wasn’t that encouragement? Obviously we are very far apart in our definitions.

Despite this setback, I did go on with my plan to give Lion his mind-blowing blow job. I’m glad he enjoyed that part as much as I did.

I’ve since read his post and now I think I understand what he wants. I don’t know if I can give it to him, but I understand. What he’d like me to say to him strikes me as even more ridiculous than telling him he’s a good boy. It’s taken me a while but I can finally tell him that. Maybe someday I’ll be able to encourage him the way he needs to be encouraged.

hand-shaped riding crop
This hand-shaped riding crop is just the right length to deliver a stinging swat that leaves a nice, red, hand-shaped mark behind.

(Sunday, June 1 2014) We went away this past weekend. Last night, Mrs. Lion surprised me. First, she released me from my cage. Back in February, Mrs. Lion gave me a very romantic Valentine’s Day gift: a set of under-mattress restraints for use on our travels. Last night she announced that we would test them. I positioned myself on my back, feet wide apart ready to be restrained. She informed me that she wanted my other side up. I rolled over onto my stomach and she secured me to the corners of the bed. She smiled and mentioned that she had a very nice set of travel toys. I could hear the zipper of her gym bag open. She showed me the business end of a riding crop that had a leather hand (see phot0) on the end that would hit my butt. This particular toy is one I have used in the past on some tender female bottoms. Delivered with enough force, it leaves a pretty little hand-shaped red mark on the bottom’s butt.

Mrs. Lion began with mild hand swats. They felt really good. She kept hitting harder and harder. My endorphin level was keeping pace with my spanking and I was getting into the sensations. She then switched to the crop. Ouch! It really stung. She kept going, varying the intensity. I admit it, I prefer “thud” to sting, but that crop was playing music on my butt. She kept it up for a while. She then switched to a paddle. [This was actually a strap – Mrs Lion] I never got a look at it, so I don’t know what she brought along. That paddle had no thud at all! It was pure sting. I started thrashing about and whining. To her credit, Mrs. Lion ignored my pleas and kept punishing my bottom. I can’t begin to say how much I wanted her to stop. I even told her to stop. Thankfully, she has learned to ignore my “orders”. If I were the top, I think I would have commented that my butt needs some toughening up and promise daily paddling until I learned to behave.

Eventually the spanking ended and the travel restraints were removed. Mrs. Lion asked how I liked the restraints. I told her that they were effective. When I first received the gift, I privately wondered if it could really hold me down. It can. Mrs. Lion wasn’t done. She proceeded to edge me twice. After last week’s unintentional ruined orgasms, Mrs. Lion stopped a tiny bit sooner. It was perfect. Each time I hit the point where all I could think about was coming. But, no, I didn’t get a chance. After the second tease and deny, Mrs. Lion got up and moved to the foot of the bed. She crawled up and gave me incredible oral sex to orgasm. This was a mind-blowing vacation sex session! Wow!

After I calmed down a bit I asked Mrs. Lion to encourage me more during spanking. She was puzzled. I don’t blame her. She thought she was encouraging me. She had said, “Good boy” a few times while swatting me.  I realized that I hadn’t really explained. I also didn’t really explain to you. Let me be a bit clearer.

Let’s assume that I am receiving a long spanking and the intention is to leave me very sore and teach me a lesson (or just train me to be better about getting spanked). As the toys change or the intensity grows, I will want you to stop. The more effective the spanking, the more desperate I am to get you to stop. An inexperienced top will stop when the whining or demands get strong enough. Don’t stop. You can pause for a few seconds to have what I call, spanking talk.

So here I am bucking and trying to turn over and complaining and begging for you to stop. Hang on to the toy and pause. Say, “You’ve been doing so well. Do you want to spoil it? (wait for an answer) “I know you want to be a good boy, don’t you?” (wait for a yes) “Did you say ‘Yes Ma’am’?” “You didn’t?” (Very hard single swat) “What should you say?” (wait for ‘Yes Ma’am”) (Swat!) “Louder, Please.”  You get it.

Next, establish that he needs to be spanked. Same technique until you get a “Yes, Ma’am!” You don’t need to do this every time he gets too resistant. The other technique is encouragement. This is very important and should be used every time he starts resisting. “Oh, no! Are you being naughty?” (don’t stop while you say this) “You’ve been such a good boy! I like it when you are still and let me help you.” He may try to hold still.

“You can do it! If you are still, it won’t be long now until I am done. If you keep misbehaving, we could be here all night.” You get it. No pause here, just spanking conversation. The verbal interaction is very important for a couple of reasons: You keep in contact with your male. You don’t let him slip into “sub space”. You also get his mind to work with you. That’s critical and why daily spankings are probably needed to train him to allow you to spank him without restraint.

As long as he resists you shouldn’t stop your spanking. He needs to hold still, at least for a few seconds, under your most intense swats before you stop. The goal is to train him to accept any amount of severe spanking without resistance. Ultimately, he shouldn’t even tense his cheeks while you swat.

This training will take time and many sore butts. But that’s not such a bad thing. Is it?